My Husband Has Tourettes

Not really, but if you spent a day in my house while he’s playing a video game or trying to do some sort of home improvement, you would begin to think he did have it.  He is so funny, too.  He is the most mild mannered man 97% of the time.  However, when something isn’t going his way the internal mercury inside of him rises and he pops.   I hide in another room somewhere and usually laugh my ass off when he’s screaming and cursing over something really ridiculous.

I think my first experience with his “tourettes” was when we first started dating and the condenser for his air conditioner broke about a week after he had just replaced the coil in the air handler.  The a/c wouldn’t run, and after checking the thermostat we went outside to look at the unit.  He started screaming and cursing at the thing and then he KICKED it.  I was in tears laughing…I couldn’t believe my eyes.  It wasn’t like he was kicking it to see if it would start working again.  He full on kicked it like he was trying to punt it through the uprights to get a field goal.

The next time I saw an outburst was shortly after Wilma, and we had to put our generator together so we could get our FEMA rebate.  My poor hubby, he just wasn’t good at putting stuff together back then.  (He is getting better but still needs to learn how to read that little piece of paper called “Assembly Instructions” when he puts stuff together.)  So I’m in the living room which backs up to the garage, and after hearing various outbursts I finally hear about a 30 second long tourettes fit followed by a clank clankity clank and a KA-BOOM.  This time he had thrown the wrench down and punted the empty generator box across the garage.  It was like the dad in “A Christmas Story” when he was trying to fix the furnace and Ralphie was sitting there with his eyes all wide next to the vent.  I laughed so hard…in the house of course where I couldn’t get kicked if he saw me.

Another good story that is by far the best to me, is when we went up to see SC vs. Florida up in Gainesville.  This was his first ever college football game, so I (being an experienced college football gamer) wanted to make sure he got the full experience including tailgating.  We had our little smokey joe grill and made burgers and had a few beers.  When it was time to head into the game, Carlos wanted to clean up the grill which included cooling off the coals and emptying out the grill into the trash.  He’s such a good little citizen, right?  That plan backfired, of course.  He filled the grill up with some of the bottled water and ice that we had, which turned the coals into a soupy mess.  When he tried to empty it all into the garbage, it spilled all down his shorts.  He was so pissed and I will never forget him picking up that little smokey joe grill and kicking it a good 30 feet into the woods.  Subsequently, he should have been on the field as the kicker during the game.  My beloved Gamecocks kept getting their field goals and PATs blocked by that damn 7ft tall Florida player.  I bet he wouldn’t have been able to block Carlos’s kicks though.

And as I sit here typing I’m laughing my ass off.  He just looked at me and asked if I was writing something about him.  He knows…there are so many other times he’s had his fits.  Today he hung drywall in the guest bedroom, and as usual it was quite a treat.