My Husband Has Tourettes

Not really, but if you spent a day in my house while he’s playing a video game or trying to do some sort of home improvement, you would begin to think he did have it.  He is so funny, too.  He is the most mild mannered man 97% of the time.  However, when something isn’t going his way the internal mercury inside of him rises and he pops.   I hide in another room somewhere and usually laugh my ass off when he’s screaming and cursing over something really ridiculous.

I think my first experience with his “tourettes” was when we first started dating and the condenser for his air conditioner broke about a week after he had just replaced the coil in the air handler.  The a/c wouldn’t run, and after checking the thermostat we went outside to look at the unit.  He started screaming and cursing at the thing and then he KICKED it.  I was in tears laughing…I couldn’t believe my eyes.  It wasn’t like he was kicking it to see if it would start working again.  He full on kicked it like he was trying to punt it through the uprights to get a field goal.

The next time I saw an outburst was shortly after Wilma, and we had to put our generator together so we could get our FEMA rebate.  My poor hubby, he just wasn’t good at putting stuff together back then.  (He is getting better but still needs to learn how to read that little piece of paper called “Assembly Instructions” when he puts stuff together.)  So I’m in the living room which backs up to the garage, and after hearing various outbursts I finally hear about a 30 second long tourettes fit followed by a clank clankity clank and a KA-BOOM.  This time he had thrown the wrench down and punted the empty generator box across the garage.  It was like the dad in “A Christmas Story” when he was trying to fix the furnace and Ralphie was sitting there with his eyes all wide next to the vent.  I laughed so hard…in the house of course where I couldn’t get kicked if he saw me.

Another good story that is by far the best to me, is when we went up to see SC vs. Florida up in Gainesville.  This was his first ever college football game, so I (being an experienced college football gamer) wanted to make sure he got the full experience including tailgating.  We had our little smokey joe grill and made burgers and had a few beers.  When it was time to head into the game, Carlos wanted to clean up the grill which included cooling off the coals and emptying out the grill into the trash.  He’s such a good little citizen, right?  That plan backfired, of course.  He filled the grill up with some of the bottled water and ice that we had, which turned the coals into a soupy mess.  When he tried to empty it all into the garbage, it spilled all down his shorts.  He was so pissed and I will never forget him picking up that little smokey joe grill and kicking it a good 30 feet into the woods.  Subsequently, he should have been on the field as the kicker during the game.  My beloved Gamecocks kept getting their field goals and PATs blocked by that damn 7ft tall Florida player.  I bet he wouldn’t have been able to block Carlos’s kicks though.

And as I sit here typing I’m laughing my ass off.  He just looked at me and asked if I was writing something about him.  He knows…there are so many other times he’s had his fits.  Today he hung drywall in the guest bedroom, and as usual it was quite a treat.

The Week in Review

I don’t usually post about what I’ve been up to, but I feel the need to update my blog and I don’t have any creative ramblings at the moment.

Last weekend Dina & I went up to Ohio to visit with Melanie and her family.  We had a great time up there in spite of the really cold weather.  However, it was nice to see snow and we went snow tubing!!  That was such a blast.  Carlos hates to ski or even go to a ski resort, so I’m hoping now with the alternative of snow tubing we’ll be able to take some winter vacations.    I know that he would absolutely love it.  Whenever we go on rides at amusement parks all I hear is him beside me laughing like a little boy.  I know he’d be doing the same thing zooming down the hill on a tube at 40 mph.  Anyway, it was so good to see Mel and meet little Lulu.  I am glad that we were up there for 20 degree weather rather than 0 degree weather like this weekend, though.

On Tuesday mom had her knee replacement surgery.  I feel bad for her…that is a really traumatic surgery for someone’s body.  She has had a great attitude throughout the recovery process, and I feel like she should be on her feet again like normal very soon.  The hospital let her go home a day early so that is a positive sign.

I’m still sticking with my New Year’s resolution and using it as a motto for daily living and minding my own business.  I feel like people try to interject their issues into my life and I just don’t want anything to do with it.  I have a life of my own and with my husband.  He is my best friend, and I would much rather spend my time with him than anyone else.   When I am not busy with work or school, then he is my focus.

So anyway, maybe a little venting is included in this post 😉


Farewell 2008…Helloooo 2009!!

No one I’ve talked to seems terribly upset with the passing of 2008, especially me.  I have had some really bad years in the past – usually “medically” related.  I ended up in the hospital four times in 1998 along with catching the chicken pox of all things.  In 2004 I bought a money pit condo, which I still own and am nearly ready to light a match to once I get renter’s insurance, AND I ended up in the hospital.  That was a fantastic trip – went in for possible appendicitis and they forgot to put an IV in me on the surgery ward.  I was no food or drink  (nothing by mouth) since they were going to do an endoscopy on me the following morning.  They woke me up at 4AM to give them a urine sample, 28 hours without food or water, and I passed out while trying to flush the toilet and hit my head on the toilet.  Spilled pee everywhere and had a giant gash on my forehead that required plastic surgery and 30+ stitches.  Idiots.

And then there is 2008.  What a year.  I don’t know if its because I’m getting older, but January started with terrible terrible migraines.  Weekly…then daily.  I started seeing a neurologist but nothing would relieve the pain – no Imitrex, Relpax, Maxalt, and now Treximet.  Then the cat got cancer.  I have never been one who deals with death well, but I went into some sort of denial with the cat.  I obsessed over trying to cure him with natural remedies, which in the long run has increased my knowledge of cancers and what causes them to a great degree, but it wore me out.  And the migraines got worse.  Then I caught on fire.  Yes, I am married to a firefighter and I caught on fire.  Because I was up all night with a migraine and too tired to pay attention to what I was doing when I was trying to relight the coals on the BBQ smoker, and got lighter fluid all over my hand, and it lit up like a piece of nylon when the smoker exploded.  Ooooooooh the pain…like nothing I can describe and none of you women who birthed a baby can compare it to.  The one shining light of that experience though is Darvocet & Percocet.  They get rid of my migraines!!  Then, that damn condo HOA sicked their lawyers on me to try and kick out my tenant because she is black.  Months and months of lawyers and letters and stress and more migraines and the cat who was sick and dying and more stress and failing classes in school and work stress…just too much for one person to handle.  I will forever look back on 2008 as the year I’d like to forget.  To the people who say they had a bad 2008 and they want it to be over, I ask:  Did YOU catch on fire?  No?  Then I don’t want to hear it.

I don’t really make “resolutions” for new years, per se, I just set goals or make promises to myself.  Last year’s goal, or promise, was to quit chasing after “friends” who don’t make the effort to be my friend.  Take a hint, Pam – they’re not really your friend.  Relationships I thought I’d be sad to lose were really no skin off my back.  Some people are just caught up in their own little world, which means I can get caught up in mine, right?  That is one of my goals for 2009 now:  to focus on my own issues and problems before I get caught up with and try to solve other peoples issues and problems.  I found a quote in a magazine that sums it up perfectly:  “I refuse to let the dysfunctional people in my life cause my life to be dysfunctional.  I will help as I can, but I will no longer allow their issues to control how I live.”  Amen to that.

The only other real goal I have for 2009 is to FINALLY finish grad school.   I was supposed to graduate in December 2008, but as you can see from above I had a few set backs.  I have 3 classes left so I should be done in August.   Then I have to figure out how I’m going to pay back my $90,000 in student loans.  That will be my goal for 2010.

All I Want For Christmas Is a Set of Clown Feet

Merry Christmas everyone…all four of you who read my blog!  You are true friends, and I cherish your friendship from my heart down to my tiny little feet.  Which probably isn’t saying much since I’m only 5’3″, but it’s the thought that counts, right? 

This Christmas season I have tried to find shoes so many times and always come up short — no pun intended.  I have the smallest feet – size 5.5-6 – and my husband absolutely adores the cute little piggies that adorn them.  I, however, am stuck with ugly crappy shoes or banished to the kid’s department.  Most shoe distributors make about two pairs of size 6 shoes and then a million size 7 & 8’s.  Even when I went to buy new running shoes the other day, my ex says “I have to special order your size for you.”  WTF??

And then on top of that, I have the issue with my right foot from the previous post (fractured sesamoid) so I have to get comfortable shoes.  Therefore,  I’m already stuck with ugly flats or 1″ heel at the most.   But lately all I’ve been looking for is a cute, semi-dressy pair of brown ballet flats.  Yesterday I ended up buying ANOTHER pair of flip flops.

Dear Santa:  All I want for Christmas is a set of clown feet.

What am I thinking?

As I sat here munching on my almonds as a snack to give me endurance for my swimming workout, I broke a nail and it led me to wonder what the hell I am doing.  I am training for a half marathon.  I must be crazy.

You see, it wouldn’t be so bad if I hadn’t already run a marathon before.  In 2003, I ran and finished the NYC Marathon in lightening speed and record time – 5:36:14.  That’s five HOURS!!  It’s ok though, because in all honesty it’s a miracle I ran and finished the damn thing.  I got accepted into the lottery in 2002 and postponed because I just wasn’t ready.  I started my training again slow and steady about 5 months before the race in 2003.  Seven weeks before the race I got a stress fracture in my right shin about a half inch long.  It worked its way from the outside of the bone inward and straight up.  Fortunately, I had a great doctor (Dr. Feldman) who wouldn’t give up on my dream even though I was PRAYING he would tell me to give it up.  He put me in a boot from week 7 to week 2 of my training and I cross trained with swimming.  I never got any further than 12 miles for my long runs, but I could swim like a fish – I got up to two miles a day swimming!

Race day came and my plan was to run three miles, walk two miles, run three, walk two until the finish.  I had an excel spreadsheet with my times broken down to the minute and second so my family would know where I would be at every mile for the spectator race.  This worked until mile 15 and then my feet started hurting like crazy.  I had Aleve stashed everywhere on my person and was taking it at every water stop expecting my leg to hurt.  They also passed out the 8-hour Tylenol samples (I have yet to actually see those in store — we were guinea pigs) and I ate those right on up too.  My leg never hurt probably because I had acupuncture before the race, but man my feet were in some serious pain.  So, I just decided to run the rest of the race from mile 15 on.  And I actually ran faster too.  I posted negative splits from the first half to the second half — probably because I ran the whole time.  This thought actually just occurred to me.

After the race, I went back to see Dr. Feldman and that stress fracture was about three inches long and I was back in the seksie boot.  In addition to that, I had another lovely fracture in my right sesamoid bone which is the ball of my foot.  That one is permanent and I can no longer wear pretty shoes with heels on them or stand on my feet for long periods of time.  What’s weird and probably attests to the powers of acupuncture is that my leg never hurt me during the race in spite of nearly splitting in two.  I guess I should have had her stick the needles in my feet too.

So, now I have a rotten leg and rotten feet, and I’m 5 years older and twenty pounds heavier.  Which leads me back to my initial question, what am I thinking?


How funny is this?