I’m Hot

For the third weekend in a row, the AC is broken. God forbid it breaks on a Tuesday at 10AM. First, it broke on Saturday at 4PM. Emergency service was an extra $200. Next, it broke on Sunday at about 11AM. Emergency service was an extra $150. This weekend, it broke at 5:00PM on Friday right before we left to go to Disney. Fuck the emergency service this time. We called and scheduled the appointment for 8:30AM Monday morning, and I’m going to hold the AC guy hostage until the unit is FIXED.

So here I sit on my sofa, home from Disney, and its 83 degrees in my house. I’m hot.

Back in the saddle

I didn’t realize that this blog was still available for me to write on.  What a pleasant surprise since I’ve had a lot of really random, crazy, stupid shit to happen over the last seven years.  My friend keeps telling me I need to have a blog or an anonymous twitter feed, so here I am.  I just have to figure out how to do it again.

I have a crazy story to share from yesterday so I’m going to type it up on Word and I’ll share it once I figure out again how WordPress works.  In the mean time I leave you with this…

I’ve finally FINALLY settled on a brand of toilet paper and am making a commitment.  Angel-Soft-Tissue-9-Mega-Rolls

The English Language

When my husband and I decided to go to Japan, I saddled him with the task of learning Japanese through Rosetta Stone since I was in my final year of graduate school.  I think he got through maybe one full lesson before he threw his hands up in the air in frustration and quit.  I sat in on one of the lessons, and I must admit that it was extremely difficult.  But then I downloaded an app for my iPhone that helped out with key words and phrases when traveling in Japan.  One of the features of the app is that it explains a little bit about the Japanese language and its pronunciations, phonetics, etc.  What I learned is that once you get the hang of things, Japanese is actually a very easy language to learn – as is many Asian languages.  You see, there are only about 50 sounds to these languages, compared to 5,000 sounds in the English language.  I find that quite fascinating, and in knowing that I hope to one day learn Japanese.

Anyway, the prelude to this fascinating blog entry (yes, I know) is that my mother sent me an email this morning that exemplifies part of the 5000 different sounds in the English language.  Enjoy!

So You think English is easy?

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce .

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present .

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row .

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let’s face it – English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. – Why doesn’t ‘Buick’ rhyme with ‘quick’ ?

You lovers of the English language might enjoy this .

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is ‘UP.’

It’s easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ?

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ?

Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ?
We call UP our friends.

And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen.

We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.

At other times the little word has real special meaning.

People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.

A drain must be opened UP because it is blocked UP.

We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.
We seem to be pretty mixed
UP about UP !

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary.

In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used.

It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don’t give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP .

When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP
When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things
When it doesn’t rain for awhile, things dry

One could go on and on, but I’ll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so……..it is time to shut UP!

Post-Vacation Depression

I always thought that my post-vacation depression, after I escape from the US to go somewhere abroad, was something I just made up in my head.  Turns out, its a real thing!  I did a little research on Google and found a whole slew of articles on how to combat this phenomenon.  However, most of the articles don’t really address the feeling of “Yuck, I do NOT want to be back in the US.”  My husband and I are fortunate to have traveled to many places overseas for vacation, and each time I always come back disgusted with our country.  I’m not anti-American by any means, but I get frustrated with some of the crap that goes on here – politics, religion, business, ethics, etc. etc.  I think part of the problem with our return and my frustration is that while we are away, we aren’t exposed to the barrage of media and negativity that smacks us upside the head when we return stateside.  The language barrier of being abroad makes a vacation truly a vacation from everything – work, life, reality…

This time its particularly bad.  We just went over to Japan and had the most amazing experiences.  Japan is a Buddhist nation, therefore the amount of courtesy and respect for others and nature is bar none.  I read in one of my travel books that the Japanese people have a creed when dealing with others, which is basically “don’t annoy others as you don’t want to be annoyed”.  This creed is reflected in some of the simplest activities of their life, however the biggest area of effect is through the use of cell phones in public.  I don’t think I heard one cell phone ring when I was over there.  When we traveled on trains, there were signs in the train station and on the train cars that appeared to ban the use of cell phones in those areas.  (I say “appeared” because we couldn’t read the signs as they were written in Kanji, however a picture of a cell phone circled and crossed out in red with the word “MANNERS” made it obvious in whatever language you speak.)  Of course when the plane landed back here in the good ol’ U.S.A. and the captain said electronic devices were ok to use again, the sound of cell phones ringing, beeping and buzzing was nearly deafening.  Not really, but I was incredibly annoyed.

So, I’m giving myself a week to grieve my vacation that has come and gone, and think about making some changes in my life that help continue the feeling of peace I had when I was in Japan.  I think sometimes disassociation is key – you need to step away from and block out the things that give you stress.  In my case, it’s a little bit of everything – news, politics, needy people.  My plan is to focus on things that don’t stress me out to counteract the loads of stress that I put upon myself the last ten years.  I hope I get back to Japan again some day soon, but in the mean time I have 2000+ pictures I can use to bring back the feeling of vacation.

The One Way

You ever heard someone say, “Don’t be such a one way,” and wonder what it means? My husband taught me what it means. A “one way” is a person who only does things one way – their way. Or it’s a “friend” who doesn’t reciprocate within the friendship. For example, when their boyfriend breaks up with them, they come crying to you. And you’re such a good friend, you listen and even give them a place to stay until they can figure out their new living situation. But then, when you and your boyfriend break up that person is no where to be found, or when she is found she’s making out with her new boyfriend right in front of you without consideration for your feelings.

Another example: when it’s the one way’s birthday everyone has to show up for their birthday dinner. But when it’s your birthday, the one way can’t be bothered to come to your dinner.

Makes you want to reevaluate that friendship, doesn’t it? Perhaps categorize them in the same group as “girls who dump their friends when they get a new boyfriend.” Maybe I’m just getting old and crotchety.

It’s Been Awhile…

That was a great song by Staind. I saw Aaron Lewis do a one-man acoustic show at the Hard Rock a few years ago. He’s a really talented guy. Anyway, I digress…

It’s been awhile since I’ve written. I have been in absolute HELL with no sign of it letting up at all. When I discuss being in hell, it usually means I am dealing with something to do with my piece of shit condo. Yes, it’s a piece of shit and I hate that place. I decided to go ahead and take the hit to my credit and do a short sale on it. I am NEVER renting it out again. I am NEVER dealing with an HOA again.

My tenant moved out on April 30 as a mutual agreement between the two of us. I told her I was selling and she said she couldn’t live comfortably in such a racist complex. (Really the whole complex isn’t racist, just the fat-ass condo commando who is president of the condo/HOA association and also lives right below me. ) Obviously she is African-American, and she also has four young children – the oldest three are boys. Generally, I had no problem with them when they were living there. Now I do.

It wasn’t due to the fact that the place is filthy and every door in the place had to be thrown out because it was damaged. Nor was it because strange things were gone – like the handles on the plumbing fixtures such as the kitchen sink, bathroom shower handle, toilet handles, etc. It wasn’t even because of the permanent mildew around the tub in BOTH bathrooms. It’s because of the ROACHES.

I’ve had pest control out every weekend to deal with the MASSIVE German roach infestation. Those fuckers are EVERYWHERE. Even the exterminator was skeeved out when he came. Those things are under the rugs, in the walls, in the stove, in the dishwasher, in the cabinets and in the REFRIGERATOR!!! How do the roaches get in the refrigerator??? It’s so disgusting.

As if the hell of dealing with the roaches wasn’t enough, my *brand new* A/C that I purchased in September 2007 stopped working. When I had the a/c company out to look at and repair it, it was discovered that the A/C I purchased is no longer attached to my condo. It is now located at the far north end of my building attached to someone else’s unit. It is a 2.5 ton condenser that is on the roof of my two-story condominium building. How does this happen?

Well, here’s my guess: at the beginning of 2008 the HOA decided to put new roofs on the buildings. I THINK that the roofers contracted an A/C company to move the units, and that company did not mark the units and just randomly reattached them to the condos. Seems the most likely scenario, right? Of course not, according to the HOA. I notified them of what happened, and chased after them for 10 days to find out the status of their investigation. They did very little to find out what happened, but came back and told me there was no way the roofers would move the A/C units located on the roof to re-roof the building. Nor would they contract anyone to do this. WTF??

So, I asked the girl at the property management’s office if the A/C fairy just up and moved the unit by itself. You have to hire a giant crane to move these units…how else would a 1000lb piece of equipment get moved over 100 feet? She told me this was no laughing matter (duh) and to file a police report. I wanted to reach through the phone and bitch slap and then choke her, but I hung up on her instead.

I did file a police report so we will see what happens. In the mean time, I have absolutely NO air conditioning in the condo here in South Florida…in June. The unit that IS attached to my condo is completely shot – there are even parts missing in it. So I literally can’t sell the condo until I get this crap sorted out. I hope they totally get the CSI unit out and finger print the thing and I hope they find it was the roofers or someone at the condo association. I wish I could make this stuff up, but no, this is my life.

This and That

Ma and Pa just left from their week-long visit, along with my nephew, so I figured I’d take a few moments to jot some thoughts down. I start school again this week, so writing helps stimulate my brain a little to get back into the swing of things. Life hasn’t been too particularly exciting recently – the usual grind of work and school, work and school. We painted the house. It’s exciting to see a new color on three of the four walls. The fourth wall isn’t painted yet because the pressure washer broke – the brand new pressure washer broke @#!$.

I like it when my dad comes down because he needs to be kept busy. I have plenty of things that keep him busy too. This week he helped my hubby build a shed – a really nice Rubbermaid Big Max shed so we can FINALLY clean out the garage. He also chiseled his way through the limestone underground in our back yard and hung a bench swing. We had to dig the posts and pour the cement around them so they are hurricane proof, then hang the swing from a cross beam. He also helped hubby determine that our *very* expensive ceiling fan in our living room is indeed broken. Yippeee!!

Oh – some very exciting news. I got an email from City Assure – the warranty service for my fried laptop that was bought at Circuit City. I had last tried to contact them on February 6 and finally got an email from them on April 1. They are sending me something so that I can get my old laptop either repaired or replaced. I’m not sure what I’ll do with it. I feel like sometimes I collect laptops. Maybe I’ll give it to Ma & Pa or the hubster.

I took my nephew deep sea fishing yesterday. We both hurked all over the side of the boat. The seas were really rough, and of course we came home with no fish for dinner. I caught two large sucker fish (Remoras) but you can’t eat those. I can honestly say however that I will not be going deep sea fishing again during the winter months. Last time I went sail fishing and hurked over the side too. But at least we caught a fish that time.

Cats Don’t Like Roofers

We are getting a new roof today.  I would say that the flushing sound you hear after that statement is our money going down the toilet, but I guess its not REALLY going down the toilet since a roof is one of those necessary things.  However, insurance isn’t paying for it and we’ve been saving our $20’s (not pennies for this giant expense) for a long time so we could pay for it.  Here in South Florida, a roof aint cheap.  I think its because we have to buy a certain wind rated type of shingle for hurricanes that can withstand being blistered in the sun 350 days a year.  My parents put a shingle roof on their house in SC for 1/4 of the price of what we’re paying.  Anyway, my point is that it sucks writing a check for that much money to buy something that you can’t do anything fun with.   It’s kind of like flushing money down the toilet.

The roofers are up there banging away, and my normally outgoing and vocal cat, Kirby, is no where to be seen.  We’ll see a flash of orange every now and then — like when they started cutting the roof for the ridge vent zooooooooooooooooooooom — but that’s it.  I decided to do a little investigation and this what I found:


There they are…Fraidy Cat #1 and #2.

Coach Snobbery

It’s no secret that I am a total Coach whore.  And if you don’t know what Coach is, and you are a woman, then SHAME ON YOU!!  I am fortunate enough to have an outlet store near my house, so at least I don’t spend as much as I could spend when I have my little binges.

I’ve been looking for a Coach iPhone case for my phone.  Would you believe that they haven’t made them yet?  I went in to a real Coach store in the mall (opposed to the outlet store) recently and inquired about a case.  The lady told me that if she had a dollar for every person who’d asked her about it, then she would be a rich women.  I turned around and told her that she needed to get on the horn with Corporate and tell them to start making them.  And then, in the snobbiest tone I could muster up, I said:  “Juicy has them.”  All this while I’m standing there in raggedy blue jeans, a t-shirt, and flip flops.  Some nerve!

The hubby gave me a Coach gift card for Christmas this year, and I found something online that equally excites me:


If you know me, you know how much I LOVE piggies!  I collect anything piggy, so this will hold me over until they finally start making iPhone cases.

Weeeeeeeeeeeee weeeeeeeeeee weeeeeeeeeeeee!!